Monday, December 14, 2009

Iris? Oh Please.

go ahead. make everyone feel bad for you.
make yourself out to be this giver;
this girl who never looks out for herself &does everything for everyone;
expecting nothing in return; just doing it because you're such a good person.
bullshit. i know it; they might not; but i do because ive known you for 19 years.
sit there &say i did nothing for you;
sit there and say you did countless things for me;
say you put your ass on the line for me countless times &i've done nothing in return.

why is it that everytime you have a slight issue im always turned into the bad guy;
your anger is always shifted from the person who pissed you off directly to me;
&yet i still chase after you &try to calm you down &talk everything out with you;

why is it that everytime you get shitfaced drunk im there making sure you're ok;
making sure you're not doing something stupid.

why is it that i dropped everything i was doing;
ran to come get you &put my own safety on the line;
to come get you; from some asshole who almost killed you.
for you only to go back to him in the end.

why is it that i wouldnt let a guy talk to you for almost a year;
just because i wanted to make sure he was good enough for you.

why is it that i've cursed out MANY of my other friends because they said something about you;
why is it that i've distanced myself from some friends because you didnt like them.

i've put my life on the line; stopped having fun just to make sure you're ok;
cut certain people out of my life; lost friends;

done all of this &yet you STILL have the audacity to sit there &say i do nothing;
sit there &blame me for sabotaging your relationship with him when you did that yourself;
you did that with your insecurity &your jealousy;
when you had no reason to; he was crazy about you.

how can you sit there &claim that im a whore; claim i want him;
i was vying for his attention this whole time.

you know it doesnt phase me when people i dont care about say shit about me;
call me a bitch &a whore &every other name they can possibly think of;
but when someone im that close with; someone i call my sister;
someone i branded on my wrist;
says shit like that to me; you have no idea the kind of pain thats caused.

i was a damn good friend; &while i may not be the first to want to sit down &have deep conversations all the time; i was there for you when it mattered most.

so go ahead; make everyone feel bad for you;
you can be the princess; &ill be the big bad bitch;
you did always enjoy me playing this little part for you;
it makes you look that much more innocent.

but you wanna know something?
to the person who knows the truth;
its not innocence; you're not as great as you seem;
&now all i see you as; is pathetic.

Monday, November 9, 2009

let me know

i saw everythinq i ever wanted in your smile;
i felt everythinq i ever needed in your finqertips;
i heard my future in your lauqh;
now i can taste the poison slowly settinq in;
i dont qet excited when i speak your name anymore;
i tear up; look down; &stop speakinq;
the subject is too difficult lately.

i thouqht we were qoinq to prove everyone wronq;
but im startinq to qet the feelinq that everyone was &is riqht;
that we were just a flinq; we shouldnt have tried to put feelinqs in the mix;
we should have stuck to what we were qood at.
cuz now im startinq to notice thinqs;
startinq to think you dont feel the same way you did.
you dont want the feelinqs part;
you want to feel me; not feel for me.

i hope this isnt true;
i hope im wronq; my instincts are just messinq up;
&everythinq is completely okay.
im too scared to brinq it up to you;
too scared that if i do; if i talk to you about it;
ask you about it; i wont qet the answer im lookinq for;
&my whole world will fall on my head.

this is my way of brinqinq it up;
this is my way of askinq about it;
&if im wronq; hit me up; tell me im stupid;
tell me you do care; &everythinq was in my head.

but if im riqht; qive me one last day with you;
pretend nothinq is wronq; pretend im the qirl you want;
&then after that perfect day; let me know;
it will be hard; but i will let you qo;
we'll qo back to how it was before the feelinqs were put in the mix;
&when i look at you i will only see my best friend.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

we will get through this;
its us against the world.

she hurt you; she made you fall in love;
&then slowly injected poison into your bloodstream.
she was your everything; you gave her the world;
she took it; &ran off with your friend; &jumped into his bed.
she hid it from you; lied to you; tore a friendship &a life apart.
you tried to make it work; you tried to forqive;
but you couldn't seem to make yourself forget;
so you had to let go; you had to distance yourself.
you moved on; you stayed friends with her;
but you had someone else in your life.
she wouldn't accept this; she needed revenge; longed for it.
so she thought of the worst thing she could possibly do;
she came up with a plan; a plan to prove that she could still hurt you;
a plan to break you; once again.
she ran off with a friend again; except this time; it was your best friend.
the one you called your brother; &she jumped into his bed.
maybe you weren't completely over it; because when you found this out;
you felt rage start to boil inside you; you started to shake;
but you could do nothing but sit there &stare down at the computer.
one thing is for sure; if you weren't over her before; you're definitely over her now.
she got her revenge; she pissed you off; but because of her need for revenge;
all she did was lose a friend; &gain a few more enemies;
now you dont know what to do; you've lost your brother; because he was just as wrong in the situation;
but dont worry babe; you have me;
&i will be here; by your side until the end.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


im thankful;

im thankful for you.

why? well that's easy.

you're the single most amazing person i know.

everything you've ever done for me;

you didn't have to do.

if anyone else was in your position;

they probably wouldn't have stayed by my side.

you stood by me; some girl you've known for under a year.

when all of your friends; people you've known for most of your life;

were telling you im trash; &you should dump me as so.

but you refused. you stood by me through everything.

&im thankful.

why else am i thankful?

i get to stare into those gorgeous;

sometimes blue; sometimes brown; but naturally green eyes you have.

i get to feel your arms around me just because you want them there.

i get to fall asleep from you slightly touching my skin; or rubbing my head;

or lightly kissing my neck; all of which cause me to fall asleep with a goofy smile on my face.

i get to wake up knowing that if nobody else cares about me anymore;

you; my best friend; still do; &honestly, thats really all that matters to me.

i get to be lazy with you; have pillow fights; talk for hours online;

tuggle you; kiss you; just, be with you.

&for as long as that lasts; ill be the luckiest girl in the world;

&for that; im thankful.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Can we?

Can we run away?
pack up and go
don't tell anyone; only we need to know.
Can we get away from here?
all i need is your touch, your kiss.
everything else i'll leave behind, as long as i have you there's nothing i'll miss.
Can we travel the world?
see things and do things are parents would never let us.
best friends and lovers, we'll have adventures so amazing, love stories will be jealous.
Can we run away?
I know if we have each other; there's nothing we cant do.
I believe in us, do you?

Saturday, September 12, 2009

For the Chuck to my Blair; Richie <3

you simplify my mind into just me &you;
you're all i need baby; nobody else will do;
you're finqertips liqhtly touch my skin &i melt in your arms;
i've never felt like this for a quy before;
you've qot me hypnotized with your charm;
the way i cant be mean to you; no matter how hard i try;
how you're the only person i know that can make me lauqh; when all i wanna do is cry;
you've literally saved my life before; when everyone else walked out;
we're qonna be qreat toqether; about that; i have no doubt;
you've been here from day one; by my side for everythinq;
defendinq me whether i was wronq or riqht; with me throuqh anythinq
you could have walked out; i was causinq problems for you too;
but you stayed with me babe; &for that i thank you;
you're the man of my dreams; &my very best friend;
so; no matter what happens between us; i never want our friendship to end.

What i want,

I want someone who's not going to waste their time thinking about what they want, but instead take a chance and have fun. I want someone who will understand that I AM bipolar and I don't mean to get mad most of the time. I want someone who tells me I'm beautiful instead of hot, and who won't use me just to get laid. I want someone who realizes that I stress over nothing, &drive myself insane worrying about it. I want someone who thinks I'm important &doesn't put EVERYONE else before me. I want someone who can deal with the fact that I don't like being around people all of the time. I want someone who realizes that I do have problems &I deal with them as best as I can. I want someone who's not going to judge me for some of the things that I do. I want someone to love me for me, regardless of what comes along with that. Is that so much to ask?