thankyou

im thankful;

im thankful for you.

why? well that's easy.

you're the single most amazing person i know.

everything you've ever done for me;

you didn't have to do.

if anyone else was in your position;

they probably wouldn't have stayed by my side.

you stood by me; some girl you've known for under a year.

when all of your friends; people you've known for most of your life;

were telling you im trash; &you should dump me as so.

but you refused. you stood by me through everything.

&im thankful.

why else am i thankful?

i get to stare into those gorgeous;

sometimes blue; sometimes brown; but naturally green eyes you have.

i get to feel your arms around me just because you want them there.

i get to fall asleep from you slightly touching my skin; or rubbing my head;

or lightly kissing my neck; all of which cause me to fall asleep with a goofy smile on my face.

i get to wake up knowing that if nobody else cares about me anymore;

you; my best friend; still do; &honestly, thats really all that matters to me.

i get to be lazy with you; have pillow fights; talk for hours online;

tuggle you; kiss you; just, be with you.

&for as long as that lasts; ill be the luckiest girl in the world;

&for that; im thankful.

Can we?

Can we run away?

pack up and go

don't tell anyone; only we need to know.

Can we get away from here?

all i need is your touch, your kiss.

everything else i'll leave behind, as long as i have you there's nothing i'll miss.

Can we travel the world?

see things and do things are parents would never let us.

best friends and lovers, we'll have adventures so amazing, love stories will be jealous.

Can we run away?

I know if we have each other; there's nothing we cant do.

I believe in us, do you?

For the Chuck to my Blair; Richie <3

you simplify my mind into just me &you;
you're all i need baby; nobody else will do;
you're finqertips liqhtly touch my skin &i melt in your arms;
i've never felt like this for a quy before;
you've qot me hypnotized with your charm;
the way i cant be mean to you; no matter how hard i try;
how you're the only person i know that can make me lauqh; when all i wanna do is cry;
you've literally saved my life before; when everyone else walked out;
we're qonna be qreat toqether; about that; i have no doubt;
you've been here from day one; by my side for everythinq;
defendinq me whether i was wronq or riqht; with me throuqh anythinq
you could have walked out; i was causinq problems for you too;
but you stayed with me babe; &for that i thank you;
you're the man of my dreams; &my very best friend;
so; no matter what happens between us; i never want our friendship to end.

What i want,

I want someone who's not going to waste their time thinking about what they want, but instead take a chance and have fun. I want someone who will understand that I AM bipolar and I don't mean to get mad most of the time. I want someone who tells me I'm beautiful instead of hot, and who won't use me just to get laid. I want someone who realizes that I stress over nothing, &drive myself insane worrying about it. I want someone who thinks I'm important &doesn't put EVERYONE else before me. I want someone who can deal with the fact that I don't like being around people all of the time. I want someone who realizes that I do have problems &I deal with them as best as I can. I want someone who's not going to judge me for some of the things that I do. I want someone to love me for me, regardless of what comes along with that. Is that so much to ask?

its old; &none of this matters now; but i still wanted to share

bitch; slut; whore; skank;

maybe everyone's right.
maybe everyone knows the truth about me that i keep suppressing.

i love him, more than anyone i've ever met.
&i still managed to hurt him more than anyone i've ever hurt.
i cheated; lied to his face; &after a while; in my mind; i actually started to believe myself.
believe the bullshit i was saying; about how nothing happened between us.

but thats all it was, bullshit.

i may have fucked up; i may have hurt you more than i ever thought i could have;
more than i ever wanted to; because i would give up my life if it meant you didnt hurt anymore.
but i want you to forgive me; or try to work this out.
i want you to give me a chance; give me a chance to prove to you that i'd never do something like that again; that i'd never hurt you again.

love has its bumpy times; &yes, i did something horrible &i dont deserve you anymore;
but i love you; more than any girl will ever love you;
&even though i hurt you i know i can make up for it.
i know that once we get through this nothing will ever be able to bring us down.

You're my Mr.Big &im Carrie;
You're Aladdin &im Jasmin;
You're Corey &im Topanga;
You're Jack &im Sally;
we're meant to be; &im sorry; but i wont give up on you.

i cant.

i cant live my life without you. i cant go on without your arms around me or your lips on mine.
i cant go on without the silly voicemails you leave me; or me walking on your feet as if im a kid.
i cant go on without our movie nights; or when you make me dinner &i attempt to help &you laugh at me; cuz you know i cant cook.
i cant go on without seeing the look in your eyes that shows me how much you really love me;
or the way when we're walking down the street &we both go to grab each others hand at the same time; &then we both smile after we notice it.
i cant go on without the cute text messages we send eachother throughout the day; ya know, when we actually aren't together.
i cant go on without you.
everything about you; &everything you bring out in me.


i know you need time; &ill wait as long as it takes. iLOVEyou. &ill do whatever it takes to get you back.

iris

they say as time goes on people grow apart;
i just never thought that applied to us.
we had plans; we always said we were gonna move in together;
go on our roadtrip to cali &take over;
but avoid any deserted areas; cuz ya know; we seen way too many horror movies.
it was always me &you; you &me. together. for anything life threw at us.
we've been hit w| racial slurs; pety fights; things that would make anyone else back down;
but us? never.
at least i thought never. until last night.
you let things get to you. you said it was a one sided friendship when you have no idea the times i fought for you.
you know the harm i can do to people's lives; just imagine what i do to them if they hurt my sister.
my other half; the only person i have ever trusted w| everything;
but i guess i didnt do enough. i guess our bond wasnt strong enough to get through this.
we always tell people dont let ignorance block their vision;
but when times got tough; &the race issue comes into play you backed down;
how many times have i gone somewhere w| you &been stared at because i was the only white girl in the room?
probably the same amount of times you were the only black girl in the room.
but we always got through it w| a shrug; or a laugh; or sometimes a fight or an arguement;
but regardless; we got through it.
so i guess this was too much. whatever happened was too much for you to handle &you have someone else you can lean on now.
you have just as strong of a bond with her that you had w| me &i have no purpose anymore.
all the arguements &drama arent worth it anymore.
'best friends through thick &thin; no matter what'
'lets never fight again cuz i felt so incomplete without my sister by my side'
'i mean c'mon we have a tattoo for each other'
all of this has no meaning now; its just memories that for now brings tears to my eyes;
but i know in time it will bring smiles. the pain will subside &ill remember only the good.
so i guess time went on; we grew apart; &iris was finally buried for good.

Its Funny

im starinq down at your picture. im watchinq the video we made. i can't listen to certain sonqs now until the memories of you attatched to them finally fade. i wish i was smarter; i wish i treated you like i do every other boy because then i wouldn't have been hurtinq so much. you wouldn't have been the one who was chanqinq me. i wouldn't have wasted my love &my time on someone who wasn't worth it. i remember when you told me you loved me for the first time; it felt like everythinq was riqht; everythinq was perfect. i knew why it never worked out with anyone else; because i was meant to be with you; i was meant to love you &you would never hurt me. &everyone who seen us toqether thouqht the same thinq. but it was all an illusion; it was all in your head, &the day you finally realized this will be enqraved in my memory forever. i hadn't qone to work that day, because i was havinq these niqhtmares about you breakinq my heart. i spent the day with one of my friends; spent basically the whole time talkinq about you; &how much i love you &how perfect everything was. it was like one of those perfect hiqhclass families that you see; everyone thinks their lives are perfect, but they are havinq more problems than anyone can imaqine; but they put up a front to make everyone believe they are happy. the only difference is i wasn't in on it. i was qoinq on thinkinq everything was fine; when nothinq was fine. you didn't love me. you broke it to me that niqht. riqht after i thouqht i said somethinq cute; i told you i loved you; &waited for the 'i love you too babe' but minutes went by &i qot no response. i didn't think anythinq of it; until you told me you didn't love me. you thouqht you did; but you don't, &you're sorry. you're sorry? so am i. im sorry i wasted so many tears on you; im sorry you brouqht me back to the qirl i didn't like. you brouqht back the qirl who treats quys like dirt; who doesn't care about anyones feelinqs but her own; &who uses quys for what she needs &then breaks it to them easily 'i thouqht i loved you; but i don't, sorry.' funny how thinqs work out dontcha think?

'Dad'

I've been thinking about you a lot lately.

I've been wondering why you did the things you did.

did i not measure up to your standards?

was i not as good as your first daughter, Andrea?

was my skin not brown enough? my hair not thick enough? my eyes not dark enough?

i have your eyes you know.

everytime i look in the mirror &see them i see you looking back at me.

its the only reason i remeber what you look like.

maybe im the wrong one.

maybe im wrong for thinking i deserved to have a dad in my life.

im wrong for thinking i should be able to celebrate fathers day, instead of dreading it each year.

wrong for thinking you would want me when you have another life, other kids who must be better than me.

you showed up when i was five.

you made me think, finally, after all that time i wished &hoped you would come back, it actually happened.

you wanted me again. we spent the day together.

you promised me the world, and when you left that night you took my world with you.

you never called again, you never tried to contact me again, you probably never even thought of me again.

it pains me to hear my friends talk about their fathers, hurts me to hear them say they hate them,

they're so unfair because they won't let them stay out, or get a tattoo or some other meaningless thing.

at least they know the person who helped create them, the person who had part in giving them life,

at least that person cares about them. at least that person wants to be in their life.

i don't trust men because of you.

i expect everyone of them to hurt me, to leave me, just like you did.

if my own father didn't love me enough to stick around why should any other man?

i just want to know why. what did i do

i have your eyes, but when i look in the mirror i can't seem to see what's so horrible about me like you must have.